Ana The dawn has barely broken and I stumble out of bed to write.
The words ‘kinder eyes’ came to the forefront of my mind, words I heard on an episode of Schitt’s Creek (if you have not watched the show, please do yourself a favor and binge-watch a few episodes, thank me later. 🙂)
Kinder Eyes. Moira Rose is telling Stevie to take lots of pictures of herself now, and when she becomes older, she can look back at herself and see herself with kinder eyes and see what a beautiful thing she was….is.
Kinder eyes. I repeat it. My mantra for the day. See myself with kinder eyes, look at others with kinder eyes, see my life with kinder eyes. Being a Type A, hyper-critical perfectionist, this is a total shift.
Kinder eyes. Those words have given me a starting point this morning. A morning that begins with kinder eyes, at this very moment I am thankful that my judgemental mind has not fully awakened to this monumental shift in outlook. As I take on this new viewpoint, I find the murmurings tumbling out from my soul into the rest of my body are kinder. ‘We can do this’, followed by, ‘Take a deep breath’, and it reminds me that when anxiety attempts to hijack the moment to take a step back and go slower, be more purposeful. These soulful murmurings give a starting point to my day, guidance in a day that once the whole world is awake will be inundated with bells, chimes, and chirps. My soulful murmurings remind me that perhaps a gentle hike in the woods with the puppy can slow down the pace, or to go ahead and sip that tea on the sofa looking out my window, or do those stretches, and breathe my way gently into my day. I smile, liking how these possibilities sound.
Some days though, before you know it, the mind wakes up and begins its descent into reactive, anxious-filled bullshit ‘stories’…..damn….hijacked…again. That gentle way to start your day…hijacked….your thoughts….hijacked….your joy….hijacked. Give yourself this present moment, give yourself this gift. Be aware of the danger of being hijacked. And for this moment, this day, say no, not today. Deep breath in.
Today, do different and see how it feels. Today go slow and purposeful. Rebel against the current, against the way things have normally been done. Your mind scuffs, your soul murmurs. A battle ensues. Deep breath in. Your heart perks up in hope. Yes, today, we are going to step into something different. Slowly and purposefully, with kinder eyes.
I step out of bed and stretch my arms, reaching up and up towards the sky, I bend from the waist and stretch out my back. I get into my body, feeling myself in my body…nothing earth-shattering, no trumpets sounding….just stretching. Introducing my heart and soul to the rest of me. An awareness begins to blossom, as the awareness of how unconscious I have been in feeling connected to myself. Deep breath in, I slip on my slippers and make my way downstairs. Waiting for the tea to brew, I open the sliding door to let the cool air in, breathing in deeply and feeling the coolness greet me. I watch the sky change colours from a soft dark blue velvet into daylight, in the distance a puppy barks and I smile, remembering my sweet one still resting upstairs. Closing the door, and with tea in hand, I make my way to the sofa, to that ‘begging you to just curl into the corner’ part of my sofa…and I do just that, draping a soft blanket over me as I let the tea warm my hands, the blanket warms my body and I breathe in again.
A kinder eyes shift that starts in the heart and resonates forth into the rest of me, mind included. That is the shift I need, I have been accustomed to starting my day with my mind fully engaged and armed…ready to battle the day and my demons. Perhaps the battle is kinder, with a softer approach, an approach that starts in the heart and radiates from there instead.
As I sip my tea, I think….so far so good.
